Sunday, 21 October 2012

{Thriving this Winter} Day 21: Discouraged

This is not the scheduled post for today, but I have had a revelation. And here is it.... I am a bit discouraged in my regular life. I feel like I am constantly trying to get better and better, because the next best thing has to be better than what is current. And I never seem to reach it, it is just slightly out of my hand.

Today (in church!) I learned about 3 things that I need to do to make this right. And maybe it will help you?! While I am writing, remember that mostly I am writing this to myself. I certainly didn't come up with these ideas, and really need to get better at using them in my life.

1. Rest

Seriously, I know I talked about this in another sunday post, but this is so crucial. When was your last day off? Not day where you laid around, I mean when you really relaxed. Did something good for yourself. Just were.

Sometimes rest is about not doing the things you are "supposed" to. If you are on a tight budget, then blowing that budget will ultimately not make you feel better. But if you have the room, try not making dinner tonight. Or hire a maid to come in this week. My big dream of life is make enough money to justify a maid.

Sometimes rest is actually about your health. Sometimes addressing the health issues that are causing pain or concern is a great way to find rest. Remember doctors can do more than just write prescriptions; they can actually help you make a full plan to deal with your concerns.

Or maybe you just need to take a nap. In your pajamas. In the middle of the afternoon. (If you have kids, get Dad (or aunt, or friend or whoever!) to take them swimming :) ).

2. Restructure
Firstly this means you. You know now you always are running around taking care of everything? Think of everything that "no one else" could possibly manage. Why is this? Are making it too complicated? Are you just expecting too much of yourself?

I have recently taken on 2 major roles in my life, as well as changing jobs. Plus of course I am now blogging daily, and have to keep up with a fastidious house, gourmet meals with thematic tablescapes, and continuously redecorating my house. Because you know, we want people to feel comfortable when they come here. (while this is over the top, I do feel a bit bad when I can't do all this... see? it's crazy!)

So seriously, as Prince Charming always reminds me (gosh, he is so honest!) it is all just in my head. It is me who is creating these expectations for myself, and I who am sad I am not doing it. Honestly, it is just me. And I need to get over myself.

And I can ask for help, but since I actually get quite a bit of help I mostly just need to see that asking for help isn't causing resentment and disappointment. I need a bit of extra grace, while I give up some of my expectations of myself, and assurance that I am not letting down others expectations of me as well. I don't think this is a crazy request.

Oh yeah. And that routine I have been trying to follow? (The one I talked about in my home binder video). Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and get rid of that. It is not possible for me to complete in a day, and keeps my mind on things that aren't in my current plans. So.... there you go recycling bin. Thanks for being there when I need you.

3. Regroup to face fears
Are you procrastinating because you are actually afraid of something? One of the things David Allen talks about in "Getting Things Done" is how most people never actually move on their projects or tasks because instead of planning to "pick a topic and write an outline for my nursing course paper," we just plan to "work on my nursing course." And since we don't actually know what the next step is we don't actually know how to proceed, and things we don't know or understand can cause fear. So we don't actually get stuff done. Or maybe you honestly don't know, or don't think you can do it. So instead of writing" do something about my neck that has hurt for 2 months." Write "go to the doctor" or "look up massage therapists online and call for an appointment." Only write actual tasks.

If you are facing bigger fears in your life, maybe you need to rally the troops and get your support network on board. When was the last time you and your partner dreamed about your life, and talked about all the things you are both doing. Are you both supporting each other? Do you each have enough time for rest? Do you need a restructure or regroup? Do you both know what you are working towards or fighting for? Are you still happy with those decisions? Talking through these kind of issues on a regular basis can really help remind yourself and your supports about why you are making the choices you are. And maybe you will realize you need to change your choices.

So now I am off to eat a lunch not made by me, and I am considering taking a nap. Tomorrow I will be back. Not working on my routine. Just slowing and steadily looking around and taking care of what needs to be done. One day at a time.

Are you discouraged today?


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