Goal 99. Do a fast

I did a fast. From 9pm one night to 2:30 the next day. I was hungry.

I did a fast because it was on my list. But, I have left this one on my list for so long because I don't know how to do a fast. One day in my life I will learn actually how to do things like fast, and read the bible, and pray really well. Maybe.

But the point of a fast isn't meeting a goal. Or completing it. The point of a fast isn't just to feel hungry and say, "Wow, I felt hungry and didn't eat. I must be so great." Because just ignoring your body's innate needs is kind of stupid. The point of a fast is to be reminded.

I have needed reminding in my life. I have needed something to actually put on the brakes and say, "hey you, stop. Pay attention to your soul, your life, your emotions." And to not add anything more, but to simply spend some time reflecting on everything I have collected over the years and days.

Because that's how long its been since I did a fast. Years. And only one time.

I am really bad at stopping and reflecting in life. I am kind of a busy person, or a completely-lay-down-and-think-about-nothing person. Both don't leave room for real reflection. Which is part of the reason I write this blog. I actually have to reflect on stuff for long enough to write it down.

This morning (while I was still fasting) I woke up and kind of laid around thinking about how nice it would be to have breakfast. And then I decided to get busy and distracted, by working on my shopping list. And then I realized that just being hungry isn't the point.

So I decided to listen to a sermon by John Piper, while I did some dishes. Still busy, but at least getting there. Of course, procrastinating-by-collecting-information, because that is my deal.

And then I randomly decided to sit on the floor in a corner of my living room and pray. And then, randomly, decided to set a timer for 20 minutes. I remembered what I had heard about meditation, and how not to be mad if I get distracted and start thinking about that shopping list again, but instead to just recognize that thought and send it away. I thought it was going to be a looong 20 minutes.

And it wasn't. It seemed to just jump by. And I didn't get distracted.

Here is what I learned: Jealousy is simply looking at someone else's life and wishing it was yours. And the reason their life isn't your life, is because that is not the life you have been promised or designed for. Fear that your promise or design is somehow less than, or inferior to another person's (an actual person or just "them") is what makes you jealous. And if you (I) believe that, then your God is probably a bit small. Because his promises are huge and wonderful. Because that's how he rolls. (Oh yeah, and faith is  learning to believe that.)

Is your God, maybe, a bit small?

{Thriving in Winter} Day 28: Draft

Do you remember being in college and staying up all night to write a paper that you really should have started 2 weeks ago? You had a goal, and the desperation to try something crazy. 

Well, actually you had to fulfill someone else's goal, which may have been why you avoided doing it for so long. 

You had desperation.... which I think is just a real world name for "purpose". You know, that thing that is supposed to drive you and fill you up. That thing that gives your whole life meaning and makes you want to get up in life. You had a goal that you really really wanted to accomplish.

Which leads me to a terrifying question. What is your purpose in life?

Whenever I hear this question it strikes fear in my heart. I have no idea what my purpose is!  Aren’t I supposed to be naturally good at my purpose? Won’t that mean I will be more successful if I just worked within my purpose? I would have a fulfilled and rich life? 

Well, today there is good news. 

It is OK not to know your purpose or have a written mission statement!

I have read books, articles, blogs, written purpose statements and analyzed myself until I couldn’t think anymore. And I have a few hazy ideas, but nothing that I would tie myself to. In the last year alone I have made major changes in my life, going from someone who was always trying to go as "real food" as possible, and thinking that I would bake my own bread, to someone who is way more conscious of what things cost, and now simply does things because they are cheaper. We also went from people who were really really involved in our old church, to people who can barely even attend on Sunday because of a work schedule. We have changed. We have realized that things we might have included in our purpose statement in the past, really aren't pointing us towards the MOST important things we care about right now. 

There is also a second piece of good news. Just because you don’t know your purpose doesn’t mean life is a hopeless endeavor. It just means that our focus is on the wrong thing. What if, instead of focussing on figuring ourselves out and then getting frustrated because we are really complex, which makes this task extremely difficult, we focused on just getting as far as we can. Instead of focusing on having the perfect life purpose statement or plan, we just work on what seems good now. It might change, it might just get tweaked, but its not done. 


So far here is what we actually agree on, and actually have been focussing on. It is actually only the first line of our previous purpose statement, but it also the only part I actually remember. So there; it probably is the only important part. 

To work to empower the vulnerable. 

Not very specific is it. Not complete. It could use some additional lines. But it's all I've tied myself to so far. It's a good working draft.

Yours might need to be changed, you might realize you once made one and can't remember any part of it. You might not have one at all. And that is ok. No need to rush things. Your whole life might be a working draft. And wouldn't that be kind of exciting and maybe a little less pressure?

Do you have a written life purpose? Could it be your working draft?

{Thriving this Winter} Day 21: Discouraged

This is not the scheduled post for today, but I have had a revelation. And here is it.... I am a bit discouraged in my regular life. I feel like I am constantly trying to get better and better, because the next best thing has to be better than what is current. And I never seem to reach it, it is just slightly out of my hand.

Today (in church!) I learned about 3 things that I need to do to make this right. And maybe it will help you?! While I am writing, remember that mostly I am writing this to myself. I certainly didn't come up with these ideas, and really need to get better at using them in my life.

Source.

1. Rest

Seriously, I know I talked about this in another sunday post, but this is so crucial. When was your last day off? Not day where you laid around, I mean when you really relaxed. Did something good for yourself. Just were.

Sometimes rest is about not doing the things you are "supposed" to. If you are on a tight budget, then blowing that budget will ultimately not make you feel better. But if you have the room, try not making dinner tonight. Or hire a maid to come in this week. My big dream of life is make enough money to justify a maid.

Sometimes rest is actually about your health. Sometimes addressing the health issues that are causing pain or concern is a great way to find rest. Remember doctors can do more than just write prescriptions; they can actually help you make a full plan to deal with your concerns.

Or maybe you just need to take a nap. In your pajamas. In the middle of the afternoon. (If you have kids, get Dad (or aunt, or friend or whoever!) to take them swimming :) ).

Source. 

2. Restructure
Firstly this means you. You know now you always are running around taking care of everything? Think of everything that "no one else" could possibly manage. Why is this? Are making it too complicated? Are you just expecting too much of yourself?

I have recently taken on 2 major roles in my life, as well as changing jobs. Plus of course I am now blogging daily, and have to keep up with a fastidious house, gourmet meals with thematic tablescapes, and continuously redecorating my house. Because you know, we want people to feel comfortable when they come here. (while this is over the top, I do feel a bit bad when I can't do all this... see? it's crazy!)

So seriously, as Prince Charming always reminds me (gosh, he is so honest!) it is all just in my head. It is me who is creating these expectations for myself, and I who am sad I am not doing it. Honestly, it is just me. And I need to get over myself.

And I can ask for help, but since I actually get quite a bit of help I mostly just need to see that asking for help isn't causing resentment and disappointment. I need a bit of extra grace, while I give up some of my expectations of myself, and assurance that I am not letting down others expectations of me as well. I don't think this is a crazy request.

Oh yeah. And that routine I have been trying to follow? (The one I talked about in my home binder video). Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and get rid of that. It is not possible for me to complete in a day, and keeps my mind on things that aren't in my current plans. So.... there you go recycling bin. Thanks for being there when I need you.

Source.

3. Regroup to face fears
Are you procrastinating because you are actually afraid of something? One of the things David Allen talks about in "Getting Things Done" is how most people never actually move on their projects or tasks because instead of planning to "pick a topic and write an outline for my nursing course paper," we just plan to "work on my nursing course." And since we don't actually know what the next step is we don't actually know how to proceed, and things we don't know or understand can cause fear. So we don't actually get stuff done. Or maybe you honestly don't know, or don't think you can do it. So instead of writing" do something about my neck that has hurt for 2 months." Write "go to the doctor" or "look up massage therapists online and call for an appointment." Only write actual tasks.

If you are facing bigger fears in your life, maybe you need to rally the troops and get your support network on board. When was the last time you and your partner dreamed about your life, and talked about all the things you are both doing. Are you both supporting each other? Do you each have enough time for rest? Do you need a restructure or regroup? Do you both know what you are working towards or fighting for? Are you still happy with those decisions? Talking through these kind of issues on a regular basis can really help remind yourself and your supports about why you are making the choices you are. And maybe you will realize you need to change your choices.

So now I am off to eat a lunch not made by me, and I am considering taking a nap. Tomorrow I will be back. Not working on my routine. Just slowing and steadily looking around and taking care of what needs to be done. One day at a time.

Are you discouraged today?

{Thriving this Winter} Day 14: Keep

Source. 

Sunday's are celebrated all over the world as a sabbath or "day of rest".  Even many people who do not practice religion engage in a weekly restful day. But soul rest is about more than just putting up your feet.

However, I would also state that nourishing your soul is often about more than just going to church. If we are honest, sometimes getting out to a religious service is not very restful. I doubt that I am the only one who has sat planning out my grocery list and schedule, or planning a heated "discussion" while I am supposed to be listening to the sermon. That isn't to say that some sermons aren't great and totally bring new understanding and deep peace. But true soul nourishment is more about what you are bringing to it, not just an activity that has to be scheduled in.

Ok, so we know what soul nourishment isn't, but what is it?

Soul nourishment is about refreshing your perspective and shoring yourself up to face the world. It is about self-confidence, and acceptance of yourself. It might be about increasing your understanding of yourself. It is about knowing who you are and having a true sense of your place in the world. So basically, it is about hope. (Which is what Prince Charming yelled at me this afternoon while I was certainly not filled with these emotions.) It is about living a life full of hope, always hoping that things will work out, better than planned, and go smoothly. It is about hope for the future, hope for who you can be, what you can accomplish. It is the part of you that whispers "keep going."

So then the question is.... what fills you with hope?

For me it is music, it is beautiful landscapes, it is actually executing plans, it is making my self take that small step now to feeling better later. For me, today these small steps were: taking a nap (during which I didn't actually sleep, but I closed my eyes and wore pyjamas), then washing my face and brushing my teeth. Then enjoying a dinner that I planned but Prince Charming actually made. And it made me feel hope again. Because the future can be better. And I can keep going.

What helps you keep going?

Goal 94. Read 5 Christian Books

I love reading books. Peter Pan once said, as we walked out of a library, "I love libraries because it means that anyone, for very little money, can learn anything." He is completely right. I love reading books which is why in my goals I have at least 26 books to read plus half the Bible! I have finished reading 5 christian books and want to share with you the good and the bad.

Goal 100. Do a Samaritan's Purse Shoebox

I love Christmas! For some reason I have always loved everything about christmas and winter. Maybe it's because I grew up in an area that rarely had snow, so I always loved the idea of snowy days inside drinking hot chocolate by the fire. Or the decorations. Or the music. Or the gifts. I love it all!

I have been planning for Christmas for a little while already, including writing wish lists for Prince Charming and I, developing my gifts-to-give plan, and planning my decorations. I have been looking at Pinterest a lot!

But one of my favourite activities that usually marks the beginning of christmas is filling a shoebox with gifts for an anonymous underprivileged child. I support Samaritan's Purse Operation Christmas Child, by filling a shoebox that will be given out as a christmas present to one of these children. Usually charity just means writing a cheque or sending in some used food or clothes. But this charity event is actually really fun!

Lots 'n' lots of Goals!!

Since my last update I have done a lot of Goals work! Here is what has been going on in the past two weeks.

Goal 17. Use Ticketmaster Tickets - completed!
    While in Edmonton we went to Cirque du Soleil's DRALION. It was my very first Cirque experience and was spectacular. I was also happy because we have had these tickets for a long time and we finally got to use them. We had a great night out with my parents, sister and her fiancé.