Goal 99. Do a fast

I did a fast. From 9pm one night to 2:30 the next day. I was hungry.

I did a fast because it was on my list. But, I have left this one on my list for so long because I don't know how to do a fast. One day in my life I will learn actually how to do things like fast, and read the bible, and pray really well. Maybe.

But the point of a fast isn't meeting a goal. Or completing it. The point of a fast isn't just to feel hungry and say, "Wow, I felt hungry and didn't eat. I must be so great." Because just ignoring your body's innate needs is kind of stupid. The point of a fast is to be reminded.

I have needed reminding in my life. I have needed something to actually put on the brakes and say, "hey you, stop. Pay attention to your soul, your life, your emotions." And to not add anything more, but to simply spend some time reflecting on everything I have collected over the years and days.

Because that's how long its been since I did a fast. Years. And only one time.

I am really bad at stopping and reflecting in life. I am kind of a busy person, or a completely-lay-down-and-think-about-nothing person. Both don't leave room for real reflection. Which is part of the reason I write this blog. I actually have to reflect on stuff for long enough to write it down.

This morning (while I was still fasting) I woke up and kind of laid around thinking about how nice it would be to have breakfast. And then I decided to get busy and distracted, by working on my shopping list. And then I realized that just being hungry isn't the point.

So I decided to listen to a sermon by John Piper, while I did some dishes. Still busy, but at least getting there. Of course, procrastinating-by-collecting-information, because that is my deal.

And then I randomly decided to sit on the floor in a corner of my living room and pray. And then, randomly, decided to set a timer for 20 minutes. I remembered what I had heard about meditation, and how not to be mad if I get distracted and start thinking about that shopping list again, but instead to just recognize that thought and send it away. I thought it was going to be a looong 20 minutes.

And it wasn't. It seemed to just jump by. And I didn't get distracted.

Here is what I learned: Jealousy is simply looking at someone else's life and wishing it was yours. And the reason their life isn't your life, is because that is not the life you have been promised or designed for. Fear that your promise or design is somehow less than, or inferior to another person's (an actual person or just "them") is what makes you jealous. And if you (I) believe that, then your God is probably a bit small. Because his promises are huge and wonderful. Because that's how he rolls. (Oh yeah, and faith is  learning to believe that.)

Is your God, maybe, a bit small?